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Initial
Ceremonies
When all the initial negotiations are completed, the girl's father takes the
initiative towards ceremonial commitments, through the family barber. He sends
to the boy's family a coconut, chhuhare (dry dates), sugar and some money in
the form of the first auspicious gifts. When these things are received by the
boy's father, he calls all the relatives and the Tilak or Shagan ceremony is
performed. Among Hindus this ceremony is performed by the parohat (family
priest) who draws a chauk on the ground, seats the boy facing it, recites some
mantras, applies a tilak on his forehead and then makes him eat one of the
dates sent by the girl's father. Sikhs have this ceremony performed by a Bhaiji
(preacher) from the Gurudwara, who first reads five stanzas from the
Japji Sahib ( a hymn of Guru Nanak) makes the boy taste a date and then applies
the tilak on his forehead out of a mixture of saffron powder and rice. A little
saffron dissolved in water is then sprinkled on the clothes. After this
ceremony, the boy's father sends to the affianced bride some gifts through the
same barber, which include sugar, coconut, rice, dry dates, money, ornaments,
clothes and henna. The girl's people receive the gifts and then on an auspicious
day they call the village Nain (family barber's wife), and make her perform the
engagement ceremony. The girl is made to wear the things sent by her prospective
in-laws and is seated facing east. The Nain then makes her eat the sugar and dry
dates received from the boy's parents and that completes the ceremony.
Among the
Khatris, the first rite performed after the completion of
negotiations is called Thaka. This is also known as the 'milk drinking'
ceremony. On a fixed day the bridegroom-to-be and his relatives go to the girl's
house, where the girls mother brings milk for the boy to drink, and thereafter gives him some money, sweets,
etc. as a
gift. The boy's parents also give to the girl clothes, jewellery and other
gifts.
Sometime after the Thaka the regular engagement takes place. Generally this
is done shortly before the wedding. On the fixed day the girl's people,
accompanied by some relatives, take the betrothal, gifts-sweets etc. to the boy's
house. Sometimes the boy's parents accompanied by the near relatives go to the girl's house to receive
these gifts. This is a very expensive ceremony for the girls family. Besides money
and large thals full of sweets and fruit, the boy is given a golden ring and a
bangle. Towards the end of the ceremony, perfumed or coloured water is sprinkled
over eyeryone. The Tika ceremony is performed at this time.
Sometimes after the
betrothal a date for the marriage is fixed. Hindus are very particular about the
auspiciousness of the day. They call the family priest who consults his books
and the almanac and then fixes a day which is called Saha. Sikhs do not bother
about these things. They see the convenience of both the families concerned and
generally fix the solemnization of the marriage on a holiday which is convenient
to all. The months of Kartik and Poh and the Shradh days are considered
inauspicious. Maghar is the most favoured month for marriages. When the Saha is
fixed, the girl's father informs the boy's father of the same through a formal
letter. Earlier this letter used to be written in saffron water and the family
priest himself wrote it. Nowadays only a little saffron water is sprinkled over
it and a functionary is deputed to take it to the boy's father and to
read it out in the presence of all relatives.
A few days before the marriage, bhaji (literally 'share'-share of sweets) is
distributed among relatives and friends and invitations to attend the wedding is
given. A few days before the marriage women from the neighbourhood and female
relatives start coming every evening to participate in singing bridal songs.
They sing, dance, mimic and act. Every night the house resounds to the gay
exuberance of feminine revelry and the fun goes on till midnight, sometimes even
till the small hours of the following day. This continues till the day of
marriage.
A very peculiar custom generally followed as part of preparations for
the marriage is that of Maiyan. It is a sort of confinement of the bride and the
groom for a few days before the marriage. The boys and the girls are not allowed
to go out of the house or change clothes. They are however, allowed to have
their close friends around. During these days Kangna is tied on the right wrist
of the boy and the left wrist of the girl.
A couple of days prior to the
wedding, vatna, a scented powder
consisting of barley flour, turmeric, Kachur and mustard oil, is applied to the
boy and the girl.
In the case of the girl, she is made to sit on a square stool while four
girls hold a cloth over her, forming a sort of a cover or canopy. The women of
the house sing songs specially meant for this occasion and apply vatna on her
body. In some castes this ceremony is performed only one day before the
marriage, but in Malwa it starts a few days before the marriage and
continues to be repeated every day till the eve of marriage.
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