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Generally speaking, relations between the mother-in-law and the
daughter-in-law are not very cordial in many families. A lot of friction is
caused over the domestic chores and sometimes even small mistakes on the part of
the daughter-in-law are made much of by the mother-in-law. The offended
mother-in-law in her outburst does not spare even the parental family of
the daughter in-law. However, although the position of the wife varies in
different societies, the mother occupies a very respectable position everywhere
in Punjab.
Relations among brothers are often very friendly and cordial. They are always
out to help one another. The elder brother generally commands the same respect
as is given to the father. But a great change comes in this behaviour when the
brothers get married and their wives start wrangling on petty matters. Over the
distribution of ancestral property sometimes the filial love and respect change
into life-long enmity.
The relationship between a brother and a sister is the warmest and cleanest
of all relations. Right from her childhood a sister idealises her brother. When
she plays the folk games kikli and thaal with her friends, she sings praises of
her brother. After marriage when she is in her husband's home, she always looks
forward to the arrival of her brother, because whenever she goes to her parents
on a customary visit, it is the brother who fetches her. She looks up to him as
her sole protected and expects help from him when she is in difficulties.
The agnates who live in a separate house though in the same village are
generally the brothers or first cousins of the head of the family. Relations
with them are generally kept pleasant and they in their turn join in all sorts
of festive as well as sad occasions. Regular dealings of exchange of cash and
gifts are maintained with them on all festive occasions.
Relatives from the maternal side generally reside in the adjacent villages.
Children are, as a matter of course, more attached to their maternal relatives.
Among many clans, eating or even drinking water in the house, of married
daughter is taboo. It is believed that one who eats in the house of one's
married daughter goes to hell. Among some, even elder brothers are not supposed
to accept the hospitality of their married sisters, nor accept any gifts from
her. However, there is no restriction on children accepting such gifts or
hospitality. But now with the change of times people's views have changed and
the rule has been relaxed.
Sometimes close friends and associates enter into a ritualistic
relationship.
They often exchange their turbans, and are known as pag-wat brothers.
They go to
a temple or a gurudwara, exchange turbans and eat from the same
plate. It is quite an occasion and many near relatives are invited. This sort of
ritualistic relationship is frequent. Sometimes even a girl ties rakhi on the
wrist of a boy outside her own kin and makes him her dharam bhra (brother in
faith). The approach to these ritual relationships is very serious and all
obligations are as earnestly observed as in the case of real kin ties.
Among the villagers of the Punjab, there is an unusual sense of kinships.
So relative terms of address are used by fellow-villagers unrelated by
either real or ritual ties. In all social communication, modes of address are
very respectable. In elderly woman is always addressed as chachi or masi (aunt)
and as elderly man as chacha or mama (uncle). Similarly boys and girls of the
same age-group generally address one another as brother or sister. A daughter is
the most privileged person, as she is given a daughter's status in
every household of the village.
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