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CUSTOMS - Birth | Marriage | Death


Generally speaking, relations between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are not very cordial in many families. A lot of friction is caused over the domestic chores and sometimes even small mistakes on the part of the daughter-in-law are made much of by the mother-in-law. The offended mother-in-law in her outburst does not  spare even the parental family of the daughter in-law. However, although the position of the wife varies in different societies, the mother occupies a very respectable position everywhere in Punjab.

Relations among brothers are often very friendly and cordial. They are always out to help one another. The elder brother generally commands the same respect as is given to the father. But a great change comes in this behaviour when the brothers get married and their wives start wrangling on petty matters. Over the distribution of ancestral property sometimes the filial love and respect change into life-long enmity.

The relationship between a brother and a sister is the warmest and cleanest of all relations. Right from her childhood a sister idealises her brother. When she plays the folk games kikli and thaal with her friends, she sings praises of her brother. After marriage when she is in her husband's home, she always looks forward to the arrival of her brother, because whenever she goes to her parents on a customary visit, it is the brother who fetches her. She looks up to him as her sole protected and expects help from him when she is in difficulties.

The agnates who live in a separate house though in the same village are generally the brothers or first cousins of the head of the family. Relations with them are generally kept pleasant and they in their turn join in all sorts of festive as well as sad occasions. Regular dealings of exchange of cash and gifts are maintained with them on all festive occasions.

Relatives from the maternal side generally reside in the adjacent villages. Children are, as a matter of course, more attached to their maternal relatives.

Among many clans, eating or even drinking water in the house, of married daughter is taboo. It is believed that one who eats in the house of one's married daughter goes to hell. Among some, even elder brothers are not supposed to accept the hospitality of their married sisters, nor accept any gifts from her. However, there is no restriction on children accepting such gifts or hospitality. But now with the change of times people's views have changed and the rule has been relaxed.

Sometimes close friends and associates enter into a ritualistic relationship. They often exchange their turbans, and are known as pag-wat brothers. Gurudwara They go to a temple  or a gurudwara, exchange turbans and eat  from the same plate. It is quite an occasion and many near relatives are invited. This sort of ritualistic relationship is frequent. Sometimes even a girl ties rakhi on the wrist of a boy outside her own kin and makes him her dharam bhra (brother in faith). The approach to these ritual relationships is very serious and all obligations are as earnestly observed as in the case of real kin ties.

Among the villagers of the Punjab, there is an unusual sense of kinships. So relative terms of address are used by fellow-villagers unrelated by either real or ritual ties. In all social communication, modes of address are very respectable. In elderly woman is always addressed as chachi or masi (aunt) and as elderly man as chacha or mama (uncle). Similarly boys and girls of the same age-group generally address one another as brother or sister. A daughter is the most privileged person, as she is given a daughter's status in every household of the village.

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