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Marriage Customs
The system of marriage that existed
in Kerala in the past were diverse and ingenious. The marriage is the
most decisive event in the girl's life, after she has attained puberty. Even
before, when she is a small child there is a custom called 'Kettukalyanam'.
Ritual marriage
Kettukalyanam was the practice among Nayars (also
Kshatriyas, Ezhavas, Arayas, pulayas and even certain tribes) to conduct ritual marriages
of their daughters usually several girls of different age groups belonging to a
tarawad had their marriage conducted in the same place and on the same occasion.
The adult males married the girls. Some times one adult married several women.
In some cases, the bridegroom belonged to the Kshatriyas or
Aryapattan or Elayatu communities (lower status sub-castes among Nambootiris).
He also acted as the priest. He tied a sacramental thread around the neck of the
bride. Then the brother of the child bride carried her on his shoulders to a
decorated pandal, a thatched shed improvised for the occasion in the front courtyard
of the house.
The bride would be in her wedding shawl (mandrakodi) which
covers her face as a veil. After the wedding is performed by tying the thread,
the priest - bridegroom washes his hands, an act which symbolises his severance
of all relationship with the girl whom he had just initiated into wedlock. The
real marriage of the girl has yet to take place after she attains puberty. But
for a girl to attain puberty before she had her Kettukalyanam among Nayars,
Kshatriyas, Tiyyas is very expensive, elaborate and festive than the real
marriage ceremonies. The ritual marriage ceremony would be concluded by
sumptuous feasts for four days consecutively in which friends and relatives
would participate. On the fourth day, the women of the village took a ceremonial
bath along with the girl and returned to her home to make merry and rejoice with
dances and songs.
Puberty rites
The attainment of puberty marked the next important festival in
the life of a girl. For the three days after the menstruation begins, the girl
had to remain in isolation. She was secluded in an inside chamber. An oil lamp
would be lit in the chamber, in front of which a bunch of coconut flowers would
be placed inside a bronze vessel filled with water. The belief was that the girl
would have as many children as there were tender coconuts on the bunch of
flowers. On the third day, the aunts of the girl brought to her a preparation of
sweet rice as their present, on her attaining womanhood. After the period of
pollution was over, the girl would be taken out to the family pond for a
ceremonial bath. Before proceeding for bath the flower bunch in the vessel would
be thrown out. During the bath, women sang and swam with the girl. After the
bath the velan (the village sorcerer) conducted his rituals with songs invoking
prosperity for the girl. On the fifth day, the velan conducted the purification
ritual by adorning her with ornaments made of tender coconut leaves and singing
songs and was rewarded both in money and in kind.
The
marriage ceremony among Nayars was a very simple affair. It was not associated
with elaborate procedures prayers and sermons. The function consisted of the
bridegroom giving a putava to the bride. The marriages lasted only as long as
they were desired by the partners and could be revoked without any legal or
religious endorsement. Nayar women were not prevented from having remarriages.
A strange system
in practice was that of Nambootiri men marrying Nayar women. The marriage
relation that existed between the Nayar and Nambootiri communities served the
property interests of both, quite effectively. Nayars considered it a mark of
aristocracy to give their daughter and sisters in marriage to Nambootiris. All
the Nambootiri men did not marry Nayar women. The eldest son in the Nambootiri
family had perforce to marry from within the community. The younger sons took to
marriage with Nayar women. The former was the proper sanctified marriage (veli),
the latter was only ad hoc marriage (sambandham). The Nambootiri husband
had no legal obligation to the children born to him of the Nayar women,
the children inherited only their mother's wealth. Nambootiri men both eldest
son in the family entering into Veli and the younger sons entering into
Sambandham practiced polygamy quite wantonly. The younger sons were free to
marry from the outside caste. Most nambootiri girls had either to enter into 'Veli'
with the eldest sons of the other families who would have been already married
many times or remain spinsters for life. 'Veli' took place between men in their
sixties and girls in their teens. Widowhood was quite common among Nambootiri
women. Nambootiri women were permitted to marry only once.
The marriage of the Nambootiri does not involve the
tying of the bridal thread or giving of the dhoti. Kanyadanam (giving away of
the bride), Panigrahana (holding the hands) and Sapta padi ( taking seven steps
jointly by the bride and bride groom around the fire ) form the rituals of
their marriage.
Pregnancy rites
The fourth important occasion in a girl's life was pregnancy.
Once her pregnancy was confirmed, elaborate rituals are followed. Pulikuti
Kalyanam was a rite conducted during the advanced stage of pregnancy.
Cousin marriage
Among all Hindu communities except the Nambootiris, cousin
marriage was popular. A boy had a rightful claim to marry the daughter of his
maternal uncle or paternal aunt. Among some Hindus one could marry one's sisters
daughter such as Reddiar's and Tamil Brahmins. Among Muslims in Kerala cousin
marriages were not taboo. But the Christians would not marry among immediate
blood relations, not from the cousins on either side, maternal or paternal.
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